New

It's a new year.
Time to change new blog design.
Time to pack my feeling and stop procrastinating.
Time to set new year resolutions.
And, it's time to think what bag should I buy for this year, ngek ngek.

心情生病了

I've been low in mood and Shiau Hwee just reminded me that, 心情生病了。
是的，病了，药呢？

心疼的爱

心疼，一个朋友，为了爱，飞了大半个地球争取和男友见面，却遇到了车祸，就这样离我们而去。

心疼，一个朋友，为了放不下和走不出自己对爱情的死心眼，放弃了所有爱她的人和这世界，就这样自寻短见。

心疼，一个朋友，为了变心的男友，带着伤心流泪的心过着每一天。她不解八年的感情也能这样脆弱。

心疼，一个朋友，为了保护家人，抵不住祖父对女友的反对，逼着自己把六，七年的感情抛开。他觉得这样才不会拖累她。

心疼，爱应该是快乐的事。

Scattered heart

It's been a long time I didn't update my blog. Just can't find the right mood to do so. The departed of two friends in 3 months really hit me. I guess it also hit my other friends who knew them since primary school.

Life still goes on but the feeling to live has been difference.

寻找

寻找我对生命的热诚
寻找我人生的目标
寻找我要对我自己怎样

怎样，怎么样，要怎样呢？

家 家 家

我有三个家。住家在上海，夫家在吉隆坡，娘家在槟城。每次回来都要穿梭两边，好累，不过有得累也是一种幸福吧。

才刚开始而已

第一星期上班，到了 mid week 真的有点累了。
每天都好多 information load 进脑子里。
星期一和今天回来，还煮晚餐呢。
星期二上日本班。明天也有，因为基础不好，也需要去星期天的班。
更糟糕的，这几天扭到颈，晚上睡不好，真的是老娘。
大少爷的衣服还排着队要烫，我已说明不干了。
哇赛！才刚开始而已。
不过，人的适应能力是很强的。
我相信我可以的。

It's just NOT MY DAY

Today I had worst “BIG HEAD PRAWN” incidents in my life.

This morning, after sending off my parent, I realised my handphone wasn't with me. The last call I made was to the van driver and I suspect I must have drop it off in the van or worst come to worst in the airport. I tried to make few calls to Chew Chin but he was bathing that time and I also made the calls to my hand phone and it was still ringing. After few attempts I couldn't get hold of anyone, I decided to take the Maglev back and that time was around 9am. During the transit of Maglev and subway, I tried to get hold of two public phones and all were out of service!!! When I reached the Lujiazhui subway, I also faced two broke down public phones. Apparently, all the public phones are not functioning except the one in AIRPORT. Left me no choice, I headed to Chew Chin office around 9.30am. While I saw him in office and he told me that van driver called him and he is still in AIRPORT to pick up a passenger who will reach around 11am and only able to get back the hand phone to me after 1pm. What kind of punishment is this, I really want to CEKIK myself. As I have an appointment with the consultant company at 2pm, I need to get the hand phone. Thus, I took a cab and speed to the airport by 11am. Finally, I was HOME around 12pm and spent RMB435 for the total to and fro.

After resting and washing, I decided to take 1pm shuttle van to Puxi since the van route will be stopped nearby at the consultant company. Once I hopped into the van, immediately I realised that I left my passport. Again, I off from the van, went back home and took the 1.30pm van to go. Luckily, I took the earlier van and had sufficient time; else I need to take cab to Puxi.

After the meeting, I got back home at 4pm. I was very tired as I slept at 1am yesterday and woke up at 6am and took a nap. In the midst, I was struggling whether I should go to my Japanese class or not because I skipped the Tuesday class and didn't do revision at all. After much procrastinating, I woke up at 5.30pm and decided to go. When I left my condo and heading to the venue, the rain started AND I was searching my umbrella high and low and again, I didn’t bring it out. I had to return and get it. However, when I stepped out again, it’s actually STOP. Ok, cool, I was telling myself just continued with it. About to reach my centre, I stopped by at the McD to grab my dinner. When it’s my turn, I tried to search for my purse before ordering and to no avail, no trail of it inside my bag. I am not sure whether I LEFT IT again or been pickpocket because at one time, my bag was unzip after I searched for my umbrella and there are too many people walking past. After the two incidents, I think things happened for their reasons so I decided to go home to check and tuang my class.

Once I reached home, I saw my purse happily lying inside my other bag because I changed my bag.

What’s wrong with me TODAY and I really had enough. Cross my finger and hope I have a better day tomorrow as it’s the first day of work.

#($*(%($##$@

You Are My Sunshine

Yepieee.... Finally, I see a ray of sunshine. Finally, with all the helps and supports, I got a JOB.

I can, I can I can......... I can have more flexibilities to buy or to spend on anything when I earn my own MONEY. :D

AND I can smell my Greece Islands in 4 years time too. Muakakakaka

(photo : Nan Fen)

不怎样的心情

不怎样的心情是最糟糕，什么都不想做。

我会羡慕

今天去了恒隆广场办公楼参加 CPA seminar (需要上课维持我的 profession），刚好是下班时间，看着人家，都会莫名其妙的羡慕起来。有时，我会羡慕，没有工已不是单单没收入这样简单了。不知何时，自卑和自尊一点一点的累积。

我会羡慕友人有份好工，高薪，坐上经理或 controller 之类，虽然有血有汗，但我什么都不是，小小的师奶，洗衣烧饭。
我会羡慕友人有同事，多了生活圈子，还有人陪吃午饭。 我只在家里范围琢磨，电脑和 TV 是我的午饭良伴。
我会羡慕友人打扮花枝招展上班，sales 的时候去血拼。 我没借口买化妆品，sales 的时候，很多次看了想了都放回去，我不能说我不够衣上班，我不需要多几双上班鞋。
我会羡慕友人有上司，好表现，有赞赏，有被认同的自信。 当然，也有被骂的时候，也有 low morale。
我会羡慕友人有 meeting, 可以 brain storming，遇到工作困难，可以一一迎刃而解， 可以加强知识和人事经验，有那种 job 和 self satisfaction 的感觉。 我只能问到少爷，好不好吃？味道怎样？
我会羡慕友人有下属，可以领导，有权威。我只是家里的阿四。
我会羡慕友人说我恨不得放工回家休息，回家对我，已不是这样的感觉。
我会羡慕友人可以开开心心计划旅行，我都得靠大少爷点头拿钱，也不能过分要求。

我想很多人应该很想揍我。Pi Piak, 我帮你们打了我两巴掌。

郑重警告！！！

我再一次告诉你，这里没有李阿姨。
我也没有玩股票！！！！

不知所谓， 每天至少接了1通这样的电话，我已很客气了告诉他们，没有李阿姨，搬走了，很客气的告他们，我没有玩股票。但，他们还会问，为什么没玩股票呢。我真的，真的，要骂 KNS！！！　再来，老娘是不好惹的！！！！！

Laptop KAPUT

Sobs, my laptop doesn't want to boot this morning. Luckily my aunt from Penang is in Singapore and will be back tomorrow. I have no choice to send back Penang for repairing. Cross my finger, I hope it can get it done by this Saturday and ask someone to bring back to KL for me on Sunday. The worst thing is I DIDN'T BACK UP MY STUFFFFFFFF... really kns!!!!

urghhhh!!!!!!

Dream Dream Dream

I have been dreaming so often these days and make me so tired every morning when I wake up. I really don't know what's wrong with me.

Friend suggested that I should go exercise. Yes I do, I go yoga almost everyday if I am free. Physically I am tired indeed but mentally I am not, maybe that is the problem.

Friend said I am too stress. Yes, definitely. Stress because I am a "siu lai lai", stress been stress free. Errr... what am I talking?!!???

Gosh.... Can anyone please teach me how? I don't want to have any dream at night, I just want a dream free night with deep sound sleep like Little Ray Ern. :(

Kin Boh Tit 篇

可怜的大少爷最近工作很累，虽然只是小小的一间办公室，但需要包山包海。说真的，以前在 Corporate Finance， 怎样都是一个 professional。现在， 公司的帐到行政，都要烦，应该很不惯，心里也会不平衡。中国在马来西亚有什么风吹草动，都关他的事。一通电话，喂，你好，你去查看，他就要从各方面下手。

由于无能的我还没办法找到工，每天吃喝玩乐，虽然生活还可以过，怎样都好，现在只有 sole income, 暗地里应该给大少爷少少压力，少少负担。 往往给家用，都会说，省点用，不要整天淘宝，逛街。有时看到我纳闷，会问，是我连累了你吗？他也会问，你想不想回去呢？半年了，我还是没早落， 现在情况还不乐观，大少爷也开始说，不然两年后我们回去了，你都没有找到工作。

或许应该是在这里累坏了吧，或许看我有时真的 kin boh tit，应该觉得对不起我。在还没来之前，兴致勃勃希望可以在这里发展，有机会还会待几年。那我何尝也不是连累了他吗？

思想简单

有时候看了友人们的博客，很羡慕他们能把情绪思想表达在文字上。

我不会深入思量,了解我的情绪。
吃到好吃的食物，我不会怎样去形容它有多美味.
看到美丽的风景，我也不会怎样去表达。
感觉到伤感或感触，除了流泪也不会七情六欲的一字一字表达或做情绪思考。

是我思想简单，还是我头脑无法思考。
有时候想，应该是我的文法，词汇不好。
有时候想，应该也是我的表达能力很差。
总而言之, 我就是不会。
渐渐的，发现自己很渺茫，很笨，很笨的活在这社会上。

沉重

回到家乡了，但有点忙。 一回到家，老爸竟然叫我拿他的公事包去医院； 见了他，竟然一一交待我办事。是好事，因为我可以让老爸信任； 是坏事，是否老爸身旁没有能让他交待的人。

其实我不是一个称职的女儿。妹妹每晚都去医院陪老爸，如果我在，是不是有这种能耐。老爸希望女儿们都在身旁，可是我早早就计划逃之夭夭。孩子当中，我应该是最不贴心一个， 在外闯荡徘徊，都不愿回家。回了家三年，嫁了又和夫君远走高飞。 呜呼哀哉。。。。。。

做孩子有点沉重，做父母也太沉重了吧。竟然现在做了不称职的孩子，我做父母？！！？，算了吧！

怎么了

昨夜，迟迟不能入睡，一整晚，似睡又似醒，迷迷糊糊。
好几个夜晚，都被恶梦吓醒，又被突然的一身热惊醒，怎么了？
一向 light sleep 的我，本来每次因为大少爷的鼻鼾声而半夜会醒，通常都会摇一摇他，昨夜还为了大少爷的沉沉呼吸声而我无法入眠，难道叫他不用呼吸？无法让自己在入眠，竟然凌晨4点多起来看电视。#%#*#*
看到窗外一丝的曙光，好像有点睡意，就让自己在再试睡吧。。。。。。
今早无法起身准备早餐，直睡到 10点多。。。。。。
到底是怎么了？

有朝一日

有朝一日，我找到工，我可以随心跟着我那些到处于游玩的朋友；
有朝一日，我找到工，我可以随心逛街买东西，在那些较贵的物品，不用三思，三思，在三思；
有朝一日，我找到工，我可以要求分担家务；
有朝一日，我找到工，我可以自赚自花，不用靠人家；
有朝一日，我找到工，我可以不用为了签个美容配套，看人的颜色要钱；

那何时是有朝一日？每天的投递信都石沉大海，音讯全无。

曾经何时, 我以为我是可以的；
曾经何时，我以为找工不会很难；
曾经何时, 我以为我的工作质素还不错；
曾经何时，我满满的信心已经像一朵将枯萎的花，一瓣一瓣的掉落。。。。。。

突然之间

今天收到了一位在远方朋友的一连串 e-mail. 哦，原来她寄来了我结婚照片。 不知不觉都两个月。。。

看了照片，突然之间，非常想念我那一帮疯狂的朋友。 突然之间，发觉我原来已经不可以在槟城过除夕夜。 突然之间，非常伤感。突然之间，我好想好想哭。。。。。。